Adopted

PhotoGrid_1509431264049I look into those eyes, they don’t stay still.

A lot of doubts have a home there. Just like my mind.

Right or wrong, comfort or struggle, acceptance or freedom – the list is endless.

We both look in the mirror and smile at the familiar persons we know.

‘Would we be fine together?’

‘Maybe!’

‘What if we are not?’

‘Well you could always run away right!? those eyes mused.’

‘But why should I run?’ ‘Ain’t I the one adopting?’ I ask the other starry pair of eyes.

‘Are you really?’ asked the smirky face.

‘Maybe it’s just the other way round!’, those big round eyes glimmeringly concluded.

We both smile at more than one being we know now in the mirror!

I paid the amount, left the change and got adopted!

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Noise

PhotoGrid_1488694261267Do tea stains on the desk talk to you

Or maybe the blinking lights?

Do they’ve a voice

Or are these just some noise?

Did crumbled clothes form words

A language maybe of their own?

Did you understand the mist on the mirror

Or was it just a vapor tone?

Does the silence of a room sooth you

Or does it scream in your ears?

Like the faded droplets of ink

Can you feel it’s shrills and fears?

I do notice the pattern

And listen to the voice.

If this makes sense to you

Did you connect to my inner noise?!

Midnight Miseries

Can’t write. Can’t sleep. Can’t wake up.
The illusion of righteousness when awake.
The next moment of disappointment that follows.
Feet takes me to the food cooling hollows.
The heart is waiting to be delighted.
Brain sighs ready to be refuted.
Eyes search for happiness. Tummy awaits calories. Bum just wants to sit.
But why can’t they see? Why aren’t the specs on? Eyes look down to nose ridge.
Nose is bored and greezy. ‘I don’t care missy!’ it cringed.
Legs are sleepy and pretend to be drunk.
Gets us bumped into hard chunk.
Everyone’s annoyed and accuses the Eyes
‘Shut the fuck up’ the Skin sighs.
By then we’re already back to the bed.
‘Chuck it!’ everyone said.
‘Can’t write, can’t sleep, can’t wake up’, I sleepily declared.

Ek kamare ka makaan

PhotoGrid_1485322392446Jawani k din the

roti kapda aur makaan se koso dur tak pochne ki umeede the

gadi, bangla, bank balance sab kuch chaiye tha

bas unhi dino ki baat hai ye..

Ek sapna dekha tha…ek bada aalishaan ghar mujhe banana tha

Manzil ka rasta khafi lamba tha…par hosla bhi kuch kam naa tha !

Kahi se toh shuruwat karni thi

Socha…ek kamare ka makaan hi kyun nai?

 

Makaan kharid toh lia par

Ghar wali baat thi nai !

Ghar jo banaye…who thi gharwali

Mere ek kamare k makaan ko…apne sapno se sajane wali.

Zindagi thi aasaan…santusht hona chaiye tha

Naukari, ghar aur biwi…ka hi toh zamana tha.

 

Raat thi…par neend nai

Paisa tha..par chain nai

haaye yeh jawani k din…kuch kar gusarne ka junoon tha

Aalishaan ghar ka joh sapna dekha tha…ab usse pura karna tha.

Zindagi badti rahi..kabhi thami nai

Gharwali aai…bacche bhi lai wahi.

Par sapna pura karna tha

aalishaan ghar ka rasta dudna tha.

 

Ek kamare se hue do kamare.

ek mein hum aur dusre mein bacche.

bhaade par hi sahi..ek kamare se toh bada tha

aalishaan ghar…ab toh jaise pass mein hi tha.

waqt badla…hum badle

zindagi toh chalti rahi…par zamane badalte rahe !

 

Mahangai bad chad kar bol rahi thi

bhaade ka ghar kharidne mein dikat ho rahi thi.

chota hi sahi…ek kamare ka ghar apna tha

aalishaan ghar ab bas sapno ka hi tha !

bacche bade hue…nikal padhe apne sapno k piche

reh gaye hum…apne budhaape toh sametate.

Gharwali k baal…safedi ki cham-chamahat thi

Buland chaal humari…ab ek lathi ki mohtaaj thi.

 

Aalishaan ghar ka sapna abhi bhi aakhen dekti thi

kaash..pura kar pate..chaah abhi bhi hoti thi.

zindagi badti rahi…apni gati se chalti rahi

gharwali toh chal basi…bas ab baari humari rahi.

 

Ek kamare ka makaan aajkal bada yaad aata hai

aspataal ka ward bhi yahi yaad dilata hai.

jiwan ka pahiya hai…ghum kar vahi aa jata hai

aalishaan makaan ki daur mein

ek kamare ka makaan hi bas reh jata hai !

Weed

IMG_20170417_230113_655.jpgIt was my first time. 

Nervous I was like a kid – cold hands, wrenching stomach and sweaty forehead.

 He handed me his ‘God’. I looked at his eyes – still like water, sparkling and constant. Those stillness of his eyes gave me confidence. 

I took it from him – his God. My shaky hands were ready now. 

I could feel inside me the leashed snake moving its tail. Sleaky – looking for something, searching. 

And I did it. His God was inside me.

Those snake eyes were looking at me, straight and without any confusion. I knew I was the target. The slow sleaky snake was unleashed now. It made its move. Its pace increased. It came closer and closer and closer and finally did it. 

I was inside.

And there I found solace…

Being Me.

photogrid_1480739082265Alone is a bad word. I never felt good about it. I actually prayed for people going through this word in their lives.

And then I fell into the same exact situation.

I felt bad for me.

I prayed for me.

I cried for me.

I tried finding reasons. I tried reasoning. Big words like self respect, priorities, heart and soul found places in the first pages of my vocal dictionary.

Then I decided to leave the mess and ignore.

‘Ignorance is bliss’- Bullshit.

I decided to be stone self outside and coined it as ‘moving on’. Again a WHITE LIE.

I thought this way I would go into depression. My mirror selfie lol’d.

What was the way out of it? Why did I’ve to fight it? Did I just lose my mind?

Time was the way out.

I was afraid of the term and the overthought meaning. Hence, I was fighting it.

No, I didn’t lose my mind but yeah it was a 25% difficult life situation.

There is nothing like ‘being alone’ or ‘being in a crowd yet feeling alone’. You always have your Me to look after and enjoy with. I’ve started believing that half of such People Life Situations happen when a) one’s individual self takes a back burner position and b) expectations starts to bud.

I survived and am still surviving. I’ve stopped praying and feeling bad for people who are alone because they always have themselves to look after and enjoy. Because it is ultimately me who I’ve to teach to love, look after and make a successful individual.

People come. Few stay. Few you keep holding. Few have lessons. Few are bad choices. Few leave.

But Me stays!

Look after that Me.

Because Me happens only once!

 

Numb

A chill ran down the spine
Wakening the goosebumps on nape.
The room swayed slow motion
The atmosphere remained still fine.

‘It’s all in my head’
Sanity screamed
‘I saw a piece of you fall’
Insanity screamed.

I don’t want to do it
Let me feel my dreams.
There was an investment done in you
Just don’t ruin it!

Glasses should have been shattered
And metals with noise
Vacuum got the hold
And numb got a voice.

‘It’s all in my head’
Insanity screamed.
Sanity was busy cramming
Numbness did nothing but gleamed!